Are you Living to Work? – Part 3

What really matters to you?

This might be about relationships, work, animals, the planet or a myriad of other things. However, have you taken the time to ask yourself, deep down, what matters? For what would you risk your life? What would make you bounce out of bed in the morning with excitement? Is there anything for which you would give up time or money?

Too often people focus on things which really don’t matter, the trivia of life. Why do we allow ourselves to get wound up about other drivers being too slow at traffic lights or fellow customers packing their bags in the supermarket ponderously? These are things which, in the broader scheme of life are inconsequential, yet drain our emotional batteries. It is time to change the focus and address the fundamental but difficult conundrum, what matters to me?

This quest to recognise what matters can be in a number of compartments, such as family, work or politics, but it would be naïve to think they don’t overlap and impinge on each other.

The basis for this investigation of ourselves are our values. Have you evaluated yours?

What are values?

Perhaps they could be described as, “a person’s principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgment of what is important in life” Source: Oxford Dictionary

How do we work out what ours are?

You may wish to give some thought to this subject before trying to clarify yours but, if not now but when you are ready, begin the to review Defining Values below:

Defining Values

People do not have one set of values which never alter. In our early days, inevitably we adopt the values and norms of our parents and other family members. As time passes and experiences grow, we establish a gradually developing set of our own. Generally, although there are key moments which influence us, this is an evolving process. However, this process is probing the principles by which you want to live and the role in life which will meet them, so how can we describe them.

There cannot be a simple one size fits all method but here are 8 steps which may help you:

1. Create a draft of the principles by which you think you would like to live. Try using your preferred search engine to research the ideas of other people. At this stage do not just accept these and think the job is complete
2. Consider a time which was very challenging for you and reflect how you reacted. Were you proud of your behaviour or did you regret some of it? As ever, this exercise demands you are honest with yourself, so now test your actions against the draft list you created in stage 1. Does it clarify, enhance or prompt changes?
3. Observe your own actions and how they make you feel. If you tell a white lie or make up an excuse for not completing a task on time, internally, what is the reaction? If your wait for someone to come through a door and they thank you, does it stir an emotion? Are these simple examples in line with your list?
4. When making decisions against which principles to you test your outcomes? Do you even think about them, how they may affect other people and the consequences? Frequently, whilst our values may lurk in the background they are not explicitly involved. Think of a decision you took which didn’t result in the desired outcome and consider if any principles were ignored or if new ones could have prevented the failure. Test against the list in stage 1
5. We all attend meetings, whether in a more formal work setting or informal social one, in which people say things with which we disagree. Do you ever challenge them? Would you like to have a debate but feel it could be impolitic? Do you know why you disagree? These are not questions about your social skills but about your views of right and wrong (or less right). Make a note of some of these examples and check against your list.
6. Now it is time for you to make a list of the values which matter to you. This will be continuously reflected on by you, but it is a firm basis to consider career options. If you feel there may be unnecessary compromises included go back and challenge yourself.

The biggest concern is you have created a list which is socially acceptable rather than values which matter to you. Only you will know but it isn’t your family or friends looking for fulfilment it is you and your values are the ones that must prevail.

Rob Ball
Connections:
07850 954075
rob.ball@workhorizons.com
rob.ball@naturallyconcerned.com

Websites:
Work Horizons – Organisational renewal through engaged, productive people
Naturally Concerned – Developing better business leaders
www.framingourfuture.com 

Books:
Beating the Wisdom of Hindsight: 75 Ways to Pursue Fulfilment and Avoid Regrets eBook : Ball, Rob: Amazon.co.uk
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Time-Sponges-Overcoming-behaviours-absorb/ Online Programs:
Empower Change by Learning to Live Well (indegu.co.uk)
Expanding Your Work Horizons (indegu.co.uk)